In comparing these two selections, explain the shift in perspectives of the authors of “A New Beginning” from the author of “Stop the Violence.”
Suggesting a shift in perspectives, respectively, the authors of “A New Beginning” and “Stop the Violence” express the light of positivity, a new day, in contrast to the darkness of negativity, a community under siege. While “A New Beginning” personifies the sky, clouds, and dawn, conveying hope when “night, taught me to never give up,” the speaker of “Stop the violence” illustrates the darkness of her neighborhood being consumed by death and pain as “drugs…people crying…and mothers stand in silence.” Action versus faith. Shifting from hope to action, both poems reflect the two sides of a coin, a transformation.
Syntactical Structure: Participial phrase, adverb, article subject verb (metaphor), appositive phrase, prepositional phrase (metaphor), appositive phrase. SC S + V SC "S + V," S + V....SC drugs...people crying...and mothers stand in silence (elipsis)." Fragment. Participial phrase, S + V, appositive phrase.
A: Answer the question
C: Cite Evidence
E: Elaborate on the first piece of evidence (method and meaning?)
C: Cite Evidence
A: Answer the question
C: Cite Evidence
E: Elaborate on the first piece of evidence (method and meaning?)
C: Cite Evidence
E: Elaborate on the second piece of evidence (search method and meaning?)
S: Summarize (careful: summarize both--the link/connection or the disconnect)
S: Summarize (careful: summarize both--the link/connection or the disconnect)
Stop the Violence
by Anonymous
Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!
A New Beginning
by Jasmine1782
Today is a new beginning
Dawn told me this once
As the glow of the rising sun grew closer
The dancing starts faded
When I felt like giving up,
The morning air reminded me that today is a new day,
Night taught me to never give up.
Because tomorrow is a new day.
Within comparing the two selections, "A New Beginning" and "Stop The Violence", many opinions can be taken from both of them. A distinguished contrast is between the two as displacement from a self point of view in "A New Beginning" to a society idea that's based in "Stop The Violence." Personification is portrayed in the following, "The Morning Air Reminded... day," self connected, drawing out the narrator's emotions from a standpoint while, coming towards a community that is enlarged. "Stop The Violence" conducts another standpoint by giving it to anyone who may compare to the poem.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Hayes writes:
DeleteSamm,
Hello. Your score, I did not mention it in my original comment below. More than likely, this draft of your OER would receive a 2; however, if you worked on being more specific, zeroing in on overarching theme or concept, it would make that top score.
By the way, today, I enjoyed hearing your essay. Simply fantastic. I can see how you value the importance of revision, which, as you know, means, "seeing with new eyes," and this knowledge will always move your writing from mediocre and second-rate to superior.
Back to your story, actually, I had a mind movie as you read.
Bravo! I can see you being published one day. Really!
In a "New Beginning" an "Stop the Violence," the author uses a shift to explain how important it is to have hope, and how one shouldn't become satisfied with their position, that one should continue becoming better. "The dancing stars faded," stating that the dancing stars will not live forever, "Night taught me to never give up. Because tomorrow is a new day." Fighting through the hard times is what will make us stronger, strong until the dancing once again begins. "Stop the Violence" is a reminder that life has its dark days and nights, "Drugs all over under the ground. Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown." The things we fear the most are reality and can't always be avoided. We can't push away the fact that death is natural, that we all hurt, but we cant be afraid of death and pain which are inevitable features of life. We must outlive them, become stronger and more resilient to the things we fear the most. Everything in life won't come easy, there will be challenges, what we do when facing these challenges is what makes us who we are. One of the most important things a person can have is hope, something that can't be taken away from the strong hearted. Hope is a great thing to have, but it can have drawbacks, having too much hope can leave one in a fantasy forgetting about reality itself.
DeleteMrs. Hayes writes:
ReplyDeleteHello Samm Angel Gonazalez,
I like how you contrasted the individual versus society. Also, I your writing is very effective as you address personification, by writing, "self connected, drawing out the narrator's emotions." I like that! However, "From a standpoint" does tend to hang suspended? I think you should elaborate on how or why the "community is enlarged.." ? That last sentnce could have been a more effective CONCLUSION if you would have addressed "both poems" and stated, "giving it to anyone who MAY RELATE (INSTEAD OF COMPARE)to the poem. Work on the flow; your writing should sound natural, but sophisticated. Continue to use academic language, and try to write more like you speak. Your oration skills are OUTSTANDING. Bring more of the VOICE that you naturally have to your writing. GOOD JOB. Oh, one last thing. The first sentence: I would answer the question directly with an overarching theme or point. Althouth "many opinions taken from both" can remain, I would add to it, ending end with a specific POINT that you want to prove. You can't prove "opinions can be taken from both." That is too general :)
Again, nice job.
Green-River-Rat writes:
ReplyDeleteIn a "New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence," the authors' shifts in perspective voice the importance of not losing hope, but also the importance of not becoming complacent. Although "the dancing stars" are not a constant in life, the "morning air reminds us" that we must persevere through the difficult times, dancing will return. Yet, "Stop the Violence" reminds us that the nightmares of life, "drugs...stretchers... people crying," are not ghosts, this incubus, alive and well, exists. We must not ignore death; we must not ignore the pain; we must acknowledge its existence; we must battle instead of passively pretending everything is ok. Hope is good, but Hope is also the sister of denial; to see truth is to see both perspectives.
Mrs. Hayes writes:
DeleteGreen-River-Rat, I love how you used anaphora, repetition (importance of...importance of...we must not ignore...we must not ignore...).
I also noted the consonance and the alliteration of the letter "P" in the last three lines (passively...pretending...hope...perspectives).
Nice job!! I believe this would get a 3!
In comparing these two selections, explain the shifts in prespectives of the author of "A new beggining" from the author of "Stop the violence".
ReplyDeleteThese two passages want to have a new form of life. They want to improve the world by doing good. In the passage "A new beggining" it conveys "when i felt like giving up, the morning air reminded me that today is a new day". In the selection of "Stop the violence" it demonstrates that doing drugs wont get you anywhere, "you're dying on the inside, and you have bad health.
Hello Priscilla Valle ;)
DeleteYes, I agree, these two passages seek "to improve the world" and search for new meaning as it pertains to life, being aware and taking the time to notice our WORLD!
When you write, "In the selection of 'Stop the Violence' it demonstrates that doing drugs won't get you anywhere, "you're dying on the inside, and you have bad health," the commentary is at a 3 level, however, work on the flow of the sentence itself. Demonstrates: you used a nice vivid verb!. Reference the syntactical flow, think about this, example:
In "Stop the Violence," "You're dying on the inside, and you have bad health," demonstrates that doing drugs won't get you anywhere, resulting in the ultimate sacrifice, a loss of life.
I would not have repeated passages after the first intro sentence. Once is good enough. Your third sentence could have simply started with "A New Beginning" conveys....." You can take out the "it" because "A New Beginning is the subject.
Overall, this would receive a 2 on a scale of 0 through 3. If you stay conscious of the sentence structure and flow, and if you ADD a SUMMARY, you could pull that up to a 3. Think about a good summary that links both. Just USE a word from the prompt. For example, "Although the perspectives shift, hope links them." Or, as you said, "Although the perspective shift, the need for change and improvement link them.
Cyou!
Good job! Thank you for submitting!
Mrs. H
The shift between both perspectives of the two authors went from lightness to darkness. The author of 'A New Beginning'started off with "Today is a new beginning." Whereas the author of 'Stop The Violence," began with; "Drugs all over the ground." In 'A New Beginning' it has a lighter feeling to it, unlike 'Stop The Violence,' which is a little more hardcore... 'A New Beginning' shows the positive side of life while 'Stop The Violence' shows the xact opposite...
ReplyDelete-bloobutterflie245
Hello Bloobutterflie245!!
DeleteI LOVE how you did not start this OER in the traditional pattern. I like how you started off with "The Shift" but then noted the titles in the second sentence. I have reviewed several on the website, and many of the 3's do not start of with "In the....and the ...."
One critique on the first sentence: Imagine how much more impact the meaning of your sentence would have with any other verb than WENT :)
Yet, I know why you chose went. You would have preferred to have used shifted, but you noticed that you already used 'shift,' and of course, you did not want to REPEAT that word. GREAT!
However, let's think of some other words for "went." How about, transitioned or moved or 'took the reader from lightness to darkness' or even contrasted...
Oh my GOODNESS! No you didn't use the word WHEREAS?! WOW! Too cool!! Academic language at its BEST! One of my favorites palabras. Ole! Your professors in college will take note of diction like 'whereas, thus, hence.' Love it--keep it up. One tip on your noticeable and appreciated 'estilo': Use a COLON instead of a semi-colon (...began with: "Drugs all over the ground." But yes, I like the style of using punctuation that they won't expect; I may have to steal that one and use it myself....
In your third sentence, you would need a comma since it is a prepositional phrase. For example: In "A New Beginning," it has a lighter feel. Also, you would not need the comma if you just left out the word 'in.' For example: "A New Beginning has a lighter feel to it....." As a matter of fact, I think I like it better with the preposition...? The switch to unlike gives it a nice flow.
I believe this would be a solid 3 if you just elaborated a bit more after "has a lighter feel to it" and "which is a little more hardcore..."
Your Summary sentence is fantastic. YOU LINK them both.
Reference your elaboration, what could you add to the following?
A "New Beginning" has a lighter feeling to it, leaving the reader with visions of nature, unlike "Stop the Violence," which is a little more hardcore, referring to death and drugs and tears. "A New Beginning" CONVEYS the positive side of life while "Stop the Violence" demonstrates the exact opposite.
Nice sentence structure, using the subordinate conjunction of 'while' and the use of 'which' and that wonderful flowing use of whereas. Again, happy to see your SUMMARY!
This OER is 3 territory :)
PS. Although the verb 'show' is ok...be mindful of other verbs for 'show.'
Thanks!
The shift from "A new Beginning" from the author of "Stop the Violence" is that it goes from beginning your day to hatred among each other.In " A new Beginning", the author expresses how his day goes and how everyday has a new beginning. The author in " Stop the Violence" states how hate has gone to far where people are giving up and lives are forgotten.In conclusion one passage goes from a joyious and the other to ungrateful day
ReplyDeleteRamucha10
Mrs. Hayes writes:
DeleteHello Ramucha10!
Thank you for submitting. I believe this OER teeters towards a 1.
Keep your first sentence standard and parallel. For example, you mention author for one title but not the other title. Why not just leave author out, but if you choose to keep the word author, make sure you keep it parallel and refer to both authors. Also, be careful with over using the word 'that.' Here is an example of what I mean:
"The shift of perspectives from 'A New Beginning' and 'Stop the Violence' are the beginning of day to the hatred of each other." or... The authors of "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence" shift in perspective from....
Now, read that again. Does it flow? Does it provide the meaning or the method used? How does beginning of day contrast with hatred of each other? Do you mean "the beginning and birth of a new day and the ENDING and dark effect of hatred"....? You might want to keep your OER answers connected to major themes or topics, even sub-topics, but they should be very clear and concise (hope, racism, love, hatred, jealousy, envy...).
I believe you mention "beginning of your day" as being an answer to the question because you relate the poem to nature...but, it's not clear. Could you compare the poems as the good side of human nature versus the dark side of human nature...or would you compare the love of new day to the hatred of darkness?
Your second sentence (place comma inside quotes): You have to prove "goes from the beginning of new day." Do you see how that would be difficult prove? You need a theme or a topic; you need to answer the question with words and meanings that you can prove. Also, make sure you embed a quote from each :)
I LOVE your commentary and elaboration for "Stop the Violence." You state that "hate has gone too far when people are giving up and lives are forgotten." Imagine how that would sound with a quote in front of it. For example: In "Stop the Violence," the speaker states, "They lay on the stretcher like it was a bed...mothers stand in silence," conveying how hate has gone too far when people are giving up and lives are forgotten, and the tears of mothers are silent.
Good job on the conclusion. I would use a word from the prompt to complete the connection.
For example: In conclusion, the perspectives shift from the joyous to the ungrateful.
You will be fine. Just ANSWER THE QUESTION with a statement you can PROVE :) If you write it, and someone says, "prove it," you can do it with ease, using academic language.
Thank you so much for posting. I enjoyed reading! Don't forget to EMBED quotes.
Mrs. H
In comparing "A New Beginning" and "Stop The Violence", the shift in perspectives changes from life full of light and hope to a life full of death and darkness. The author of "A New Beginning" portrays hope by saying,"Night taught me to never give up, because tomorrow's a new day." This shows that no matter what happens you still have a chance. The author form "Stop The Violence" demonstrates darkness by stating, "..Stretcher like it was a bed..dying on the inside..I see someone dead." This states that its common to see people layed on stretchers and see so much violence going on this community.
ReplyDeleteHello Lorena!
DeleteYou answered the question. First step. During grading this weekend, I saw many OER's where students began elaborating, no direct answer, so good job. The verb "portrays," wonderful. Your commentary shows insight ("no matter what happens, you still have a chance), excellent! Although you used the word "shows" (prefer the word conveys), at least you only used it once :)
The vivid verb "demonstrates," outstanding! I agree, the poem seems to imply that seeing people on stretchers is common.
This is a 2+...almost a 3. You provided evidence and citations from both, but you did not have a summary which LINKS both, using one word from the initial question, making sure not to elaborate on another topic. One small critique: you used the word state/states more than once...commas go inside of quotes :)
You write beautifully! Think about a brief summary to end, linking both? For example:
---The shift between light and darkness is natural, but one without the other is not natural, living without balance.
Comparing the two selections "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence,"" many views can be taken upon. A unique contrast exists as the migration from a self indulged perspective in ""A New Beginning"" to an informative broader community based idea in ""Stop the Violence."" Personification, ""The morning air reminded me...day,""self focused, illustrates the narrator"s emotional standpoint while leaning towards the society at large ""Stop the Violence"" conveys a logical view administered directly to everyone who may connect with it.
ReplyDeleteHello Down 2 Mars,
ReplyDeleteYou placed that first comma inside the quote after violence. Great!
However, slight caution, you did not answer the question directly in the first sentence! OH MY! You have to answer it directly and succinctly or you won't get a 3. And the way you write, you deserve that 3!!! For example, when you say "many views can be taken upon," how do you prove that? How do you prove that from the text? You can't. Now, you can prove racism, love, hate, discrimination, jealousy, a specific contrast, but you can't prove "views can be taken upon." You can't prove those words; the statement is beyond abstract.
I love your second sentence! So, what is that contrast? How can we put that in sentence one? How about this?
Comparing the two selections "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence," the contrast between the community and the individual bring about a shift in perspectives.....(then continue on...).
But you see, you ANSWERED THE QUESTION.
I like how you used the METHOD of personification which conveys meaning. Also, how nice, you inserted an ABSOLUTE when you mentioned "self focused," wow!
This is a 3 minus... VERY NICE!! I really hope you answer that question in the first sentence, so you nail the 3's on TAKS day!! Like you, I don't like following conventions, but there are ways to go against the traditional opening, but still follow the rules :)
Your writing has a natural flow to it. It is academic, but also conveys beauty.
In comparing "Stop The Violence" and "A New Beginning," the transitions in perspectives are from death and despair to life and light. In "Stop The Violence" the author says "Drugs...Guns..You're dying.." which helps the reader imagine despair. The point of view taken by this author therefore is like death. While in "A New Beginning" the author conveys light by saying "Dawn told....morning air...new day." Telling the reader that the light is like life.
ReplyDeleteHello Ninja Priest!!
ReplyDeleteYes! You answered the question in the first line, and then you went on to "prove" that answer: Outstanding.
I would recommend that you add an "ing" closer after the word despair, extending it further. Your commentary and the use of despair, the meaning you derived fromt he passage is excellent. To get a 3, I would just add a closer to it. Nail it! ("you're dying..," wich helps the reader imagine despair, revealing a violent dealy world.") See what I mean?
Your second commentary is also insightful. Just a tip: you could have made that period after "day" a comma, so "telling the reader" could have been a participle at the end.
You left off a summary, linking the two, so this would receive a strong 2. Think about that summary :) We will talk about it in class. Again, all in all, very nice. You get the concept, but I know you can kick it up a notch.
In the two selections, "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence," both authors make an absolute solid shift in perspectives of highlighting the positives and negatives of life. In "A New Beginning," the author begins with "Today is a new day." Immediate thoughts of joy and happiness rushes through our minds, illustrating the beauty of life. Waking up to another day is a gift, a blessing- not everyone is given another day. Compared to "Stop the Violence," the author starts off with an eerie setting, "Drugs all over the ground." The thought of "drugs" tug thoughts of no hope, negativitiy of a life that no one longs for. With both diverse perspectives, it brings out the high and low points of life, a life that everyone is given, but it's only one life.
ReplyDeleteHey Vickie!
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS A SOLID GOLD 3!! Ole'
Yes, I agree: "the positive and the negatives" You answered the question directly and succinctly, showing there can be many different answers to the open ended question. I note the following word choices: "solid," "highlighting," "eerie," and "tug thoughts." Nicely done! You also tagged on that participle after the prepositional phrase of "...through our minds,illustrating the beauty of life." Love it! Bravo on finishing it up with a summary that ties both pieces together.
Mrs. H
The shift in perspectives of both selections are between light and dark or good and bad. In the selection "A New Beginning", the author talks about the light and how good it can be. The personification in this selection characterizes the light in the day as a new day to where you can never give up and start a new beginning. In contrast, the selection "Stop The Violence", the author exhibits darkness as bad. The author illustrates that all the bad things happens through darkness of people and that violence in the world doesnt get us anywhere. The shift in perspectives in the difference of light, how its good, and dark, the bad things.
ReplyDeleteDomoshareese22,
DeleteHello! Your first sentence answers the question. You also used parallellism (...light and dark or good and bad...), good job. Not a biggie, but the comma goes inside of the quotes :)
Your commentary is solid, however, I would get rid of extra words. Instead of "...the author talks about.." Get specific with a vivid verb. "...the author argues...or...the author discusses..."
"In contrast" ... You used a transitional phrase: Faaantastic!
When you describe the author exhibiting the "darkness as bad," you might want to add a comma instead of a period, using an appositive or a participle to elaborate more, also an actual quote fromt the text: (..."the author exhibits darkness as bad,....."). However, the use of the word "exhibit" is very good, same goes for illustrate...nice.
Overall, I believe this a 2...Instead of paraphrasing, I would embed a couple quotes, which will help you nail your proof, getting you a 3 instead of a 2. Work on flow. Ensure you read it out loud in your head before finalizing. Even though you use academic language and vivid verbs, you want to write like you talk, flow....
:)
Hello Big Spence!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your summary is fantastic. Thank you for givit it a shot, and by doing so, we now know that you get it. The problem with the summary, is that many students start discussing another topic, reducing their scores to a 1. Back to your summary: "...destruction inside, waiting to ruin it." In the poem that discusses nature, you are correct. Although that poem is about peace and it conveys hope, nature can turn (hurricanes, tornadoes etc.) at any moment; we are nature. Maybe that is why the author personifies the morning and the dark and the wind, to try and persuade us, the reader, that we are also a part of nature, and we need to change and grow without resistance, but also be aware.
I would recommend you keep your first sentence to the point....Note the authors and the titles and then answer it. Use participles and appositives, as you did, in your commentary. For example, I also like where you wrote "so why not live up to it." It conveys your voice, your peronsality....Also, "seen through your actions," is also excellent commentary.
Wonderful work. This is a solid 2 plus to a 3. Make sure you proofread a few times,(out loud in your head) for flow prior to submitting.
Telling a shift in perspectives, respectively, the authors of “A New Beginning” and “Stop the Violence” state the light as a positive like a new day, in dissimilarity to the darkness as negative like a community under siege. In “A New Beginning” the sky, clouds, and dawn, conveying hope when “night, taught me to never give up”. Which give the sky, clouds, and dawn characteristic of humans. The speaker of “Stop the Violence” draws the darkness of her neighborhood being taking over by death and pain as “drugs…people crying…and mothers stand in silence.” Shifting from hope to action.
ReplyDeleteHi Mutiny Kid,
DeleteTrue, the sky, clouds, and dawn seem to convey hope. And in giving the aforementioned human traits, the author seems to want the reader to make the connection of how we are all a part of nature, including human beings.
I like how used the verb "draw." "Draws the darkness of her neighborhood" is effective and adds voice to your commentary.
Your summary is just a phrase, so you would have wanted to finish that thought. For example: Both poems shift f rom hope to action, from action to hope... ?
This OER is a solid 2+
I know you will nail those 3's tomorrow! :)
While seeking a shift in perspectives through comparing the selections, it’s obvious the author of "Stop the Violence" has portrayed our world as a complete dead end with very little to no hope, while the author of “A New Beginning” has reassured the reader of hope with a new day. In “Stop the Violence” the author states how “crazy” people are acting, followed by “I wonder what the community can do. I have no idea, not even a clue.” As if, there’s nothing that can be done at this point, the violence has terminated hope. While the author of “A New Beginning” refers to a point in her life where she “felt like giving up” but she learned that tomorrow is a new day, “a new beginning”. This provided the reader with a sense of hope to a second chance in a new day. Unlike the author of "Stop the Violence", the author of the “A New Beginning” reminds readers that although you go through hard times, there’s hope for better times in days ahead.
ReplyDeleteHello NInja 0517 Heart!
DeleteI like how you injected "it's obvious." And, the commentary, the metaphor of "dead end" is very effective. Your opinion about how violence has "terminated hope" also shows significant insight and thought. The firs few lines of this response truly show you analyzed and broke down the poems, IT'S OBVIOUS! :) WONDERFUL! Your OER has VOICE, personality.
Additionally, you took a different route on the summary, a different turn than the others, and I believe this OER is a SOLID 3!
Have fun with the essay and the OERs tomorrow! I know you will do GREAT.
The shift in perspectives of the author of "A new beggining" from the author of "Stop the violence" is that in " A new begginig" its a good day and in "Stop the violence"is not a good day.An example for "A new begginig"would be "when i felt like giving up, the morning air reminded me that today is a new day". Meaning that their will be bad days but you dont have to worry about it because tomarrow you can fix those mistakes . Another example would be "Night taught me to never give up". Meaning to keep moving foward. Now an example for "Stop the violence " would be " I wonder what the community can do . I have no idea. Not even a clue". In other words there is no hope for a new day. There is no chance for a new day to come . Another example would be " look in the paper and i see someone dead". Saying that another day came around but nothing has changed for it to be a new day. In conclusion you can choose to make a difference in how your new day starts as well as it ends.
ReplyDeleteMunequita!
DeleteHello....
Well, so true...one is about a good day and one is about a bad day! The commentary of being able to "fix" mistakes is quite good. The only change I would make to the syntax of your commentary of meaning, would be to place a comma inside the closed quote after the word "up" and just add that commentary as a participle. But, I like the comment: "...moving forward..." NICE. By the way, you could have done the same thing with "saying that another day came around..." Just add that comma inside the closed quote.
This OER is a 2 plus, but I think you could have made it a 3 with a stronger summary, making a connection.
Have a good night!
In comparing "A New Beginning" and "Stop The Violence," the shift in perpectives are the positive and negative things in life. The author of "A New Beginning" stated "Today is a new day...night taught me to never give up." This shows that the author looks on the bright side by stating that its a new day and that even if its dark the sun will always come out. In the other hand, the author of "Stop The Violence" stated "nothing to show for yourself...dying on the inside." Meaning how horrible everyone feels. Shiting from negative and positive both poems show such a difference view of life.
ReplyDeleteiKaryMcD...
DeleteHey! Yes, the positives versus the negatives. Nice commentary and extension as you mention the sun will "always" come out. True!
And yes, I also agree that "dying on the inside" is indicative of how everyone "feels." Very good.
Your summary is simple but good. This OER is a 3. Outstanding. Make sure to proofread out loud in your head before final submission :) Try using participles to connect some of your commentaries.
The shift in perspectives of both authors of "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence" is that the light of positivity,hope of a new tomorrow, as to the darkness of negativity,a community storm by violence. In "A New Beginning" the author personifies the "morning air reminded me that today is a new day," showing the reader hope of a better tomorrow. While in "Stop the Violence" the author help the the readers imagine the violence in her neighborhood by illustrating "Guns,people crying, putting each other down." Both poems help the readers image the yin and yang of life. The hope and despair.
ReplyDeleteThe shift in perspectives of both authors of "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence" is that the light of positivity,hope of a new tomorrow, as to the darkness of negativity,a community storm by violence. In "A New Beginning" the author personifies the "morning air reminded me that today is a new day," showing the reader hope of a better tomorrow. While in "Stop the Violence" the author help the the readers imagine the violence in her neighborhood by illustrating "Guns,people crying, putting each other down." Both poems help the readers image the yin and yang of life. The hope and despair.
ReplyDeleteNehalem,
DeleteYou get the participle at the end, helping your sentence flow (..."showing the reader hope.."). Your OER is succinct, and I lOVE the summary. The voice of using "Yin and Yang" and the fragment of "The hope and despair" give this OER style, estilo. Well done Nehalem!
A SOLID 3!
Although all but one verb is present...One tip: When writing about literature, keep the tense present. Weird but true. You write about "writing" as though it is happening now, even if the story was written hundreds of years ago, commentary in present :)
But this comment may be irrelevant: Did you mean a community stormed? or did you mean a community in a storm of violence...? Just a typo, I know, but
present tense...
DeleteThe author of " A New Beginning" and " Stop The Violence", have a shift in perspective by one focusing on nature and the other focuses on darkness. " The sky took me on a journey farther than the clouds and night taught me to never give up." The author tells us how nature lifts here spirit giving her the strength to not give up. " I look in the paper and I see someone dead. They lay on the stretcher like it was a bed." This describes the authors community and how He/She wants the best for it. Both authors have different perspectives on life because of the way they view there society.
ReplyDeleteHey Monkeys...
DeleteI like that..."one focus on nature and one focus on darkness."
You also mentioned nature in your commentary, conveying that you intend to "prove" your point...nice insight when you mentioned "nature lifts her spirit..."
After this point, you don't make it clear that you are now going to prove the focus on darkness, and you don't mention it or refer to it in commentary. You don't have to use the word "darkness," but the reader must know that you have shifted into the second poem. Yes, the author seems to "want the best for her community," but how have you connected that to your answer, and how have you linked it to darkness? Just as you did with the first, nature.
Your commentary is very good and your ideas are good, but you missed that link on the second story...this is a teetering 2...just be careful and make sure to prove and link your thoughts to your your original answer!
Good luck tomorrow! I am sure you will do very well.
In comparing the two perspectives of "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence", a shift occurs because one author elaborates on nature and the other on life. The author of "A New Beginning" personifies on night and dawn "dawn taught me to never give up" and "....dawn told me this once." The author of "Stop the Violence" uses rhyme scheme to give the reader a visual picture "....I see some dead" and "They lay on the strecher like it was a bed." the shift in perspectives from nature to life shows us that no matter how hard we try, we cannot avoid life and the problems that come our way.
ReplyDeleteHello Nise11,
DeleteVery nice! "a shift occurs because one elaborates..." The verb occurs is excellent, and I like the take on nature versus life. Now, after you mention the personification, you did hit on "how" the author attempts to convey meaning, but then we need your opinion, your commentary, just as you did in the summary, which was excellent.
Same for the second poem, yes, I like the mentioning of "rhyme scheme," which, you are correct, is the method, but how does that rhyme scheme enhance meaning. Maybe? Is there something kind of 'final' about the sound of the letter 'd'? Also, can you see the contrast between bed being a place to sleep, but dead, or death, is the ultimate sleep, causing pain for those we leave behind. There is an irony is using the rhyme of dead along with bed...? So many "meanings" if we speak of rhyme scheme.
Again, I love your summary.
Remember, if you are going to note the methods (alliteration, rhyme etc..), which is wonderful (you can delve deeper), you have to comment on the meaning derived from that method...
How does the rhyme scheme give the reader a visual picture? I agree!!! It does give a visual!! But, you need an additional commentary to NAIL it. After the word "bed," you could have placed a comma and added one more point on how and what...You know what I mean? We may re-visit this in class. It's excellent, and it will be something you all need to perfect for future analysis.
Anyway, with that additional commentary, I believe this would have been a solid 3, and I feel it would have been one of the more powerful OER's since you would have taken analysis to a deeper level. NIce job though!
Have fun with the essay and OERs tomorrow. Show don't tell! Zoom in :)
The shift in perspectives used by the authors of "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence", are chiefly "good" outlooks to "bad" standpoints. The author in "Stop the Violence," uses examples of how the community is becoming corrupt throughout the story. When the author states, "..People every day do crazy things.." he illustrates how the community performs bad habits and how they are destructing their territory from within. In contrast, the author of "A New Beginning" uses personification in order to explain the author's theory of "re-living." "Today is a new beginning..Dawn told me this once," this phrase demonstrates a more glorius theme. In conclusion, the authors' shift in perspectives in "A New Beginning" to "Stop the Violence" are from good to bad, or light to dark.
ReplyDelete(Ariel Mitchell, 4th Period)
Hello Ariel,
DeleteThe commentary, "how the community is becoming corrupt," is very good. Also, your insight on "destruction from within" is excellent. Good job using the transition of "in contrast."
Interesting: your comment about the authors' theory of "re-living." Honestly, I would love to hear a bit more elaboration about your insight on "re-living." It is so well put that I looked forward to your elaboration :) but you moved on. I think I know what you mean, but a comma after "re-living," and a participle to nail your thought would have been even better!!
Good luck tomorrow! Happy to see you gave your OER a summary. I believe this OER would receive a 3. Make sure to proofread "out loud" in your head a few times before final submission on your exam.
The difference on the point of view in "A New Beginning" and in " Stop the Violence," shifts from a better prospective of like, good, to a malicious perspective,evil. The author in " A New Beginning," brings hope out of a fall out, " when I fell like giving up, the morning air reminded me that today is a new day." In " stop the violence" the author plead to stop violence however she or he focuses more on hate being a burden of pain that siphon life out of people forcing them to give up.
DeleteA shift in prospective occurs from A New Beginning and stop the Violence through the use of diction. The author of a New Beginning portrays an image of redemption "night taught me to never give up, because tomorrow is a new day," thus leading to a sense of hope. While the author of Stop the Violence depicts a negative image, through all the negativity which surround him or her. The two poems exhibit a shift in prospective through different forms.
DeleteThe shift in perspective between "Stop The Violence" and "A New Beginning" not only reflects the change in point of view but also the amount of people affected. "Stop The Violence" uses plural nounssuch as, "Drugs all over under the ground...Guns, people crying...The mothers stand in silence," to appeal to a general audience instead of focusing on a personal connetion. While "A New Beginning" uses singular nouns such as, "Dawn told me this once
ReplyDelete...When I felt like giving up...Night taught me to never give up," to develop the personal connection between the reader and the story.
3agle
In "A New Beginning" and "Stop The Violence" the author's perspective shift from on of light and hope, to one of death and darkness. "A New Beginning" portrays a sense of hope because "the morning air.... today is a new day... night taught me to never give up". This shows that the day and the night are both times of hope and light. In "Stop The Violence" the author illustrates a perspective of death. This is because, "they lay on the stretcher like.. a bed" this shows that people are dying just as much as they are in bed.
ReplyDelete-PenguinsAreCool
while looking for a shift in perspectives through comparing the selections, it’s very clear that the author of "Stop the Violence" shows our world as a complete dead end with very little to no hope and the author of “A New Beginning” tells the reader there is hope with a new day. In “Stop the Violence” the author says how “crazy” people are acting, followed by “I wonder what the community can do. I have no idea, not even a clue.” Saying there’s nothing that can be done now, the violence ended all hope. While the author of “A New Beginning” reflects to a point in her life where she “felt like giving up” but she learned that the next day is a new day or “a new beginning”. This provided the reader with a sense of hope to a second chance in a new day. Unlike the author of "Stop the Violence", the author of the “A New Beginning” reminds readers that although you go through hard times, there’s always hope somewhere.
ReplyDeleteWalter Joya
4th Period
The shift between the perspectives of both authors from "A New Beginning" and "Stop The Violence" is that one looks into the light whit hope,positive,while the other looks into the darkness, his eyes filled with doom,negative. The author of "A New Beginning" sees the life in everything, "Dawn told me this once", he gives life to an observation, an image, that for him symbols joy, blissful,jubilant. With a dramatic twist the author of "Stop the Violence", is wounded by the world he lives in and cant only afford to see the massive monstrosity in things,"Drugs all over under the ground. Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown", he only depicts and foresee the abolishment of his world.
ReplyDelete(Omar Alberto From 5th Period)
The authors of "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence" define the rise of hope for new day, in contrast to the dangers that claustrophobe society. "An New Beginnig" repersents peace, with "the glow of the rising sun," filling a day with tenacity. The author of "Stop the Violence" distinguishes life with terror lurking in its streets when "people crying...see someone dead." The poems create a contradiction, transitioning from hope to terror.
ReplyDeleteComparing these two selections, the shift in perspectives of the author of “A New Beginning” from the author of “Stop the Violence” is such as a change from panic to optimistic. In "Stop the Violence" the author expresses his feelings about how the community has alot of crime by stating "I wonder what the community can do. I have noidea, not even a clue." Some people in hard times cannot handle the pressure, and emotionally feel stress which leads them to giving up. However in “A New Beginning”, the author of the poem has an optimistic perspective to his/hers problems. The author's amiable view leads him/her to state "Night taught me to never give up. Because tomorrow is a new day", which clearly shows how being optimistic leads to thinking things better and keeps one from never giving up. When someone in trouble thinks positively about the future, it allows them to try and change whats wrong instead of accepting defeat. When comparing the perspective's of the authors of both selections, its obvious that apposite mindsets such as panic and optimistic lead to different actions.
ReplyDeleteThe shift in perspectives in comparing the author from
ReplyDelete"A New Beginning" and the author of "Stop The Violence,"
is between happiness and sadness. The author of "A New Beginning"
stated that the world is full of new opportunities, by saying "when
I felt like giving up, the morning air reminded me that today is a new
day." Using personafication, the author means to say not to give up
because there are new things everyday. The author from "Stop The
Violence," represents sadness by stating, "you're dying on the inside.."
The author is trying to say that people are emotionally hurt,
whish is sad. This is how the shift in perspectives in comparing the
author from "A New Beginning" and the author of "Stop The Violence,"
is between happiness and sadness.
The shift in perspectives of the authors of "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence" change from one of positivity and and optimism to one of death and sadness. Optimism is shown in "A New Beginning" because "The night taught me never to give up", this illustrates that even in the darkest of hours you must not give up. Death is shown in "Stop The Violence" because "Guns,.... putting each other down", this shows that gun violence is taking the lives of many people.
ReplyDelete-lyndaPJ8
the shift in perspectives of "stop the violence" and "a new beginning" are quite apparent, going from chritisizing a corrupt society to hoping for a bright future that you control. In "stop the violence" the author takes on an omonus and chritasizing tone, addressing how "People every day do crazy things." and it seams to make no since, only that we are trapped in our own corruption as a society. In "a new beginning" the perspective is hopeful and more about self realization than the collective. "Night taught [the righter] the hope of ones self and tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteIn a "New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence," the authors' shifts in perspective is to not losing hope. Although "the dancing stars" are not a constant in life, the "morning air reminds us" that we must keep going on with life through the difficult times. "Stop the Violence" reminds us that the nightmares of life, drugs, stretchers, people crying, are not ghosts, it's really true and it's really happening in the world around us. We can't ignore death, we must acknowledge that it's happening every single day of our life. It's good to have hope and faith as in "A New Beginning" but also we need to realize that death and violence as in "Stop the Violence" does exist.
ReplyDeleteThe Shift In Perspectives Of "Stop The Violence" & "A New Beauty" Are Outright Different. They Compliment Each Other By Being Opposite But Still Speaking On The Same Topics. The Authors Are Basically Giving Their Different Opinions On The Same Subject.
ReplyDeleteWhen reading the two selections, "A New Beginning" and "Stop the Violence," there is an obvious shift in perspective used by the authors that are essentially "good" outlooks to "bad" standpoints. There is a distinguished contrast between the two; a displacement from a self point of view in "A New Beginning" to a society based idea in, "Stop The Violence." In "Stop the Violence," the author puts forth examples of how the community is corrupted. When the author states, "…People every day do crazy things…" he illustrates how the community’s bad habits slowly deteriorate their territory. In contrast, the author of "A New Beginning" uses personification to explain the author's theory of "re-living." "Today is a new beginning… Dawn told me this once," this phrase establishes a more outstanding theme to the passage. In summary, the authors' shift in perspectives in "A New Beginning" to "Stop the Violence" is from good to bad; light to dark, in other words.
ReplyDeleteA shift in prospective occurs from A New Beginning and stop the Violence through the use of diction. The author of a New Beginning portrays an image of redemption "night taught me to never give up, because tomorrow is a new day," thus leading to a sense of hope. While the author of Stop the Violence depicts a negative image, through all the negativity which surround him or her. The two poems exhibit a shift in prospective through different forms.
ReplyDeleteThe red ribbon from her black hair, shining, her love from the long road came from riding, she stretched for him, scared for her life, waiting and waiting to give her worthy sacrifice. She silently though to herself, " I will always love you, my love." As a shot empty her chest, the highway man felt a pain above. After hearing the news, about his beautiful muse, He whispered, " I'll hold you dear to my heart, till death do us both apart.
ReplyDelete~ Haven Foley
In "A new beginning" everything is shining, bright, sort of like a fairytail. Whereas in "stop the violence" everything is dark, and dull, more realistic. The author in "a new beginning" reveals hope for the people. Whil "stop the violence" is a look into real life and how things aren't always bright, and happy, people have hard times and die. We can see this by the line "they layon the stretcher like it was a bed."
ReplyDeleteIn the poem "Stop The Voiolence" the perspective seems like it comes from dark to light. In "A New Beginning"on the other hand has a more bright perspective and is more optomistic. Even though they are similar in poetic themes, "A New Beginning" starts off with words like "new" and "glow" and in "Stop The Violence" they begin with the words "drugs" and "guns."
ReplyDelete-Kenneth Gaines III